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Cancer Chronicles: Letters to Skye #10

Preconceived Notions

2/18/12 7:33 am

Dear Skye,

Today seems slightly better. I slept last night, that was a first in at least a week. I'll usually get one night sleep a week, so last night was good. The first night was bad, the nausea and chills kept me up all night. the first day, horrific. Yesterday was pretty brutal as well. I am testing the waters this morning and am going to see if I can stand, not using the anti-nausea meds today. My goal for today is to go for a walk and take a shower which is my usual goals that surprisingly don’t always get accomplished. I cant do that on the pills because they make me super flushed in my face, kinda like i have a sunburn.

I miss being there with you. I want so bad to just do anything with you besides sit in my bed and watch movies. I will one day baby. I promise you that. Until then I will forever hold a place in my heart for the things that our family has stepped in to do and is giving you.   

You know how I said the nurses gave me a few different meds in my iv that they said would help with the chemo but they would only last 3 days and after that I may get flu like symptoms. First of all, I cant imagine what it would have been like without them because I was so sick. Second, is this going to seriously go on for that long? Yikes. I start my week long shot tomorrow. I have to take 3 different meds even before I get the shot. This week will not be fun, hopefully it will get better...

I am trying to stay positive and you and Trent seem to notice. I will do my best to maintain this attitude.

I Love you!

Mommy

 

 

2/20/12 6:23 am

Good Morning Baby,

You and Trent are still asleep. I have been able to go to bed early enough lately. Well, at least the last couple days. Today I have my shot that I will have to take every day for a week. I have been really good about not accepting anyone's opinion on what I am going thru. I prefer to not have a preconceived notion on what may happen, rather, I would like to have my own interpretation. A blank page that I can not think myself into any false side effects. I did have a friend stop by however and knew someone that went thru the same thing and she nonchalantly mentioned this particular shot was "no fun." First, I didn’t ask. Second, the shot I will be taking may not be the same one she is taking. I have learned to try and be understanding of unsolicited advise. It is hard though. I am going thru this as I wish to. It has helped me tremendously to not totally know of all of the side effects. I am experiencing everything first hand.

Anyway, gotta go and wake you up :)

I Love you!

Mommy

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