The tribulations of Trials…

December 2011

From the outside, this horrible tragedy that stopped you for a few moments all too quickly receded, as the ripples in your pond were quite small to start with.  Your time resumed in its normal fashion forward, and in passing thought, you think surely it’s over – and justice has been dealt.

But for those of us experiencing this horrible tragedy, the tumultuous waves that threaten to drown us every day become tidal waves each time we enter the courtroom and face the MURDERER.  Though most of these ‘trial readiness’ appearances with the multitude of ‘postponements’, are only 15 – 30 minutes in duration, the mental, emotional and then physical toll this takes on us is completely exhausting for many days before and after each encounter.  The dashing of our hopes for a simple trial date to be set each time, only to be forced to wait longer still, is enragingly frustrating.

It’s so surprising to people, when they discover YEARS LATER, we still have not had our day in court…  What they don’t understand is that it is not OUR DAY – that day only belongs to the MURDERER who until trial, is still PRESUMED innocent…  That ‘Right to a Speedy Trial’ ONLY applies to that Murderer.

The Murdered VICTIM’s and their families HAVE NO RIGHTS.

The day after Saskia was Murdered, an off duty officer Murdered a man named Sam Vanettes in a local place called Spelley's...  For our family, the fates of Saskia and Sam became intertwined when the City of Murrieta held a benefit in memory for both of these murdered victims.  I was surprised last week, when I read that Sam's trial was starting already.  I decided to attend, as often as my failed health will allow. I feel compelled to be there for Sam’s parents. I also, want to know what it is to sit through a trial, as I never have like this, to prepare myself for what's coming...  So on that first day, I went to court.

The same Public Defender that is defending our Murderer, is defending Sam’s Murderer.  Sam's sister's testimony as a witness to his Murder was attacked and attacked and attacked by the defense. Questioning her statements given three days after Sam's murder to police...

I actually had to call someone just this past weekend, as I am working on a blog about our dog Archie, because I don't know what happened to him after I found him - two days after Saskia's murder.  I remember, rinsing Saskia's blood off of him.  I remember our neighbor, taking Archie to her house to wash him thoroughly, and check him to see if Gary had stabbed him too.  But beyond that?  Nope, no memory, just a giant nothing where there should be something...  

I was thinking about that today, as this poor girl was defending herself to the defense that she doesn't remember what she said, or why she said it, because all she could think about was her brother had been shot to death, and she ran when that man started shooting.  She abandoned her little brother Sam, and he was killed...  That heartbreaking guilt Murderer’s leave US with, as they refuse to accept any guilt themselves, and instead try to escape the RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR CHOICES AND ACTIONS by blaming the VICTIM in every possible way.  And that poor girl, Sam’s sister - a victim herself, had to sit there and take that...  While Sam's Murderer sat there smiling and talking to the lawyer next to him.  Makes me sick. Makes my heart ache.

Sam, out with his sister and friends for a little holiday fun, shot dead. This Murderer already admitted he killed Sam.  Now the Murderer is using his ‘profession’ as a “cop” to excuse himself for taking ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS CHOICE TO PULL HIS GUN AND HIS ACTIONS OF SHOOTING  AN UNARMED MAN 4 TIMES, KILLING HIM…  Blaming Sam, blaming Sam’s friends, blaming alcohol…  Refusing his responsibility.  Using his profession for the tool it is, with "Self defense" and "feeling threatened" as if every police officer has a RIGHT TO KILL for these feelings.   

I never had the honor of meeting Sam.  But I have seen how loving and kind and supportive his blended family is.  And in every picture I’ve seen, this is all clearly there in Sam’s sweet face.  I must admit, I’m envious that Sam’s family has remained supportive to each other through this.  But Gary’s Murderous attack was too different upon us.  Far too close and personal for each of us.  He left each of us drowning, unable to support even ourselves.  And what he did was far too heinous, for others to bear supporting us at all.

And I’m envious too, Sam’s family had twice as much time with him, as we got with Saskia.  For all her brilliance and hard work, she didn’t even get to graduate High School.  She was denied any opportunity, to go out and spread her wings in life and soar!   That extra time they received with Sam is too precious for me to imagine.

We had to be in court on Friday with our Murderer, just three rooms down from where Sam’s family was in court with HIS Murderer.  Once again, we have yet another postponement – until January 31st, 2014!  As you can clearly see, this is why – when the sentence of the Death Penalty is given, the Victim’s Families are so ready to see it carried forth IMMEDIATELY…  Gary will have already squeezed more than 2 & ½ years of living from these postponements already.  WHY GIVE HIM ONE DAY MORE AFTER THE VERDICT.

My failing health was especially affected by this court appearance with our Murderer, but I went down anyways afterwards, to sit in on Sam’s trial for a while.  Gun powder residue was the discussion taking place.  Attempts to pinpoint how far away Sam was from the Murderer, when he was shot to death.  Pictures of his cloths, with the bullet holes in them, on the screen…  I felt so terrible for Sam’s family.  Those holes, were in Sam.  They took his life from them. 

Unfortunately, it was more than my stomach could take on this day.  At break, I took my leave to vomit repeatedly.  And felt quite too ill to return.