Health & Fitness
Picking up the pieces... 17
Like a delicate, fragile flower Saskia gave to me ALL - all the life sustaining elements I have ALWAYS been in such need of... I blossomed because of her.
I stepped away for the last month, from this nightmare life Gary has given to me. Away from the constant terror of another murderous attack from the crazy racist monsters who persist in persecuting us, tormenting me each moment with what they have done with my beautiful Saskia’s pictures – placing words of such HATE beneath her images ONLY to inflict such pain upon we victims for their sick pleasure... Away too, from the constant attacks from all those who insist upon thinking they are so ‘helpful’ and are in fact doing nothing but causing more harm. Interfering with their ‘helpfulness’ by undoing ALL THE PROGRESS made in therapy every time we get someone “checking up on us” to see if we’re doing ok…
I couldn’t bear one more knock on the door from the Murrieta Police, not after they’ve hurt me in every way a woman can be injured. Mentally, emotionally – and physically…
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I needed to breath. Living this “new life” does nothing but suffocate me now. The madness, the hopelessness, the terror. But in this new life, there really is no ‘stepping away’… And I return to do something that seems so meaningless.
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Gary did this monstrous thing! He murdered my Saskia right here, before my eyes! Going to court? Sitting, through the trial? Enduring the agony of simply knowing this monstrous POS is still alive? Knowing too, that any verdict will be keeping him alive for too many years to come? Robbing all of us still, each second he breaths, of more?
Murder changes everything. Irrevocably, undeniably, and forever. There’s no getting over it, no going on – no cure. As much as everyone on the outside wishes there was a way, I’m sorry, but there’s not. I’ve been placed in a gilded cage, forced to paint on a face, and pretend I’m still human…
In this mother’s heart I LOVE AND NEED MY SASKIA, ALWAYS…
There is no forgiving Gary, EVER, for what he did to her! For what he did to us all…
Murder leaves nothing but the condemnation of existence…
And an empty loneliness inside me that will never be touched again.
