Picking up the Pieces...Part 5

Momma sat upstairs today, tears streaming down her cheeks, as all my closest and dearest friends arrived.  She was listening to the sound of the children, the greetings as they came home, the laughter, the sound of happy chatter as they share stories and remember me...

Momma asked me, "Saskia, can you see them all? All the people who love you - they're here. They’re here for YOU!  Can you hear them baby?  I wish you could just give me a sign..."

There was a pause, and a little bird outside began to sing...  And then more little birds began to sing...
 And then, a whole choir of birds chirped in...

And for a few moments, Momma sat there crying, and listened as I answered her.  Thank you, all of you, for being there today. Thank you for filling my house with laughter, and happy memories, and love. Thank you for being the best of friends, both old and new.

  Thank you, for being my ‘family’!  I love you all, always.  – Saskia

Kessa Burke  Take what’s broken down and turn around, because I need you…  Life may break us, and destroy us, but it can’t take our love or our home!  We will continue to stand for what is right and what we need to do - no one can tell us differently!  What our own opinions are, who we are ‘ourselves’…  We may be broken, but we’re still here and we’re still helping and caring for everyone - no matter gender, race, religion - we are here! ♥  4-20-12

Ian Wolfgang Burke  Something that Winnie the Pooh taught me. Everything you do, every moment you've had, and everything you have yet to experience, good or bad, will be with you forever. Just keep living each day with a good outlook and know that the future holds good things. At the end of it all - you have those who walk through the woods of life with you - and helped you make it to the end of the story.   3-27-12

Yes, the children came home. 

The first time, they came to be with mom and dad, and mourn the loss of their sister.  Then to go to court.  Then to plan Saskia’s memorial.  And again, to go to court.  And again...

As we gather together this week, it is not to celebrate Saskia’s graduation, as it should have been…  One by one the children are coming – Richard, taking leave from the military in Germany – Amber and Derrick, from Baldy Mesa – and all the others, to be with mom and dad this week, as we try to support each other, to gain the strength to walk into that court house on Friday.  Friday is the day for ‘our event’…

I cannot imagine going up those stairs.  I do not know where to get the strength to go into the room, where Saskia’s murderer will be sitting…  To listen, as the evidence is presented…  To relive again, the monstrous thing that was done to my child!

Kessa Burke  Sometimes when life gets hard, and you just have to scream, go into your room or bathroom or where you’re alone or feel comfortable and sing your dang heart out or scream until you feel better - then walk out like nothing happened! :) I love you all!   12-30-11

The children come, to care for their mother.  I cannot shop, or prepare meals, not this week.  So, the children stepped in, stepped up to do this for me!  I cannot do much of anything, as the pain in my heart seems to drain all the physical energy from my body…  And the agony in my mind has completely shut me down, left me incapable of performing even the simplest of tasks…  I cannot sleep, I cannot eat…  I feel suffocated!

Cat Burke  Sometimes, love is expressed more in our actions than in our words... Yesterday, was a day filled with love, expressed by all - with EVERYTHING they did! To all my children - I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!! XOXO, Mom   6-9-12

Kessa Burke  That amazing feeling you get when everyone you love is surrounding you :) Best feeling in the world :) I love you family :)   6-10-12

And together, we will do this.  United, in our pain, anger, and rage – we will walk into that room, and have each other to cling to as we face the horror awaiting us inside!  Our bond of love is what makes us strong...

Because what we do - all that we do –

IS SIMPLY BECAUSE WE LOVE SASKIA!

Kessa Burke  The sun goes down, the stars come out, and all that counts is here and now!  My universe will never be the same!  I’m glad you came ♥ I’m glad you came ♥   1-12-12

Amber Jenine Bailey  Ohh gosh Saskia, how I wish I could tell you things and talk to you. I have soooooo much I want to say that I feel you might not hear. . .  I mean, who knows if you read your facebook posts somehow. . .  I think everyone just hopes you do, as do I. *sigh* I need your advice on soo many things and it hurts that I cant have just one measly hour to ask you all I can - in hopes that I'd never have anything else to ask you again, lol. Everyday I think about you and EVERYTHING reminds me of you. Especially Aubrie.  You and her are oddly pretty similar.  Probably why her and I get along so well.  Gosshhh I wish you could have met her.  I wish you could see my everyday life like I practically got to see yours because I actually went down there and met everyone.  I just wish you could have met my friends too. You would have loved them and they would have loved you.  Which reminds me. . .  I saw this picture of two old ladies and it said something like ‘this is us when we're older’ and I automatically thought about you and was sooo gonna send it to you - but then I remembered. :/ I know you would have loved it. ^_^   There are all too many things we planned that we wont be able to do together and now, when I go to do those things it will never be the same but instead I'll do them in honor of you and I will have your ashes and spirit with me through all of it and I guess that'll just have to do because you and I were denied a choice on that day.  And I think I should let you know how much I hate him for everything.  How badly I just wish all these horrid things to happen to him but in the end, they probably wont, which is why I hope he gets the death penalty and goes to hell. *sigh*   I love you with everything I have Saskia, and not a day goes by that I don’t mention you or think of you or wish that I could just call your house and demand to speak to you - or at least leave a message like I always did…  So if you can read this . . .  I hope that you can help me when I’m in need and at times where I can’t handle things anymore, or just don’t know how to handle them at all!  Because lets face it, you're my better half and without you, I’m just a sad ol' me.  And quite frankly, I can’t stand it.  All that’s left to say about this is that I can’t wait to see you on the other side so I can be whole again ♥ LOVE YOU PIXIE TAILS ♥   1-27-12

Richard SargeMage Frazier  The smoke escapes my lungs and disappears in the air above me, a silent sign that I'm still breathing, that I'm still alive. Anger, guilt, pain, and sorrow fill me, a strange combination of feelings which has no name of its own, it repeatedly poisons my mind and stabs at my heart!  Sleep is the only escape and now - that has left me too…  All these emotions fill me and yet I feel so empty, and as I sit and dwell all signs just point to hate, a feeling of hate so strong it scares me, how I could be capable of such a strong feeling of anger, disgust and loathing, and I wonder why I've become so cold to the world.

Well I have to vent now cuz after (your memorial) Saturday, I have to celebrate your life, so there's the last of my sad confessions.  I love you and miss you more than anything, and I know you’re probably laughing at me right now, but I just needed to get this all off my chest!  Thanks for listening, sis…   2-8-12

Kessa Burke  Tomorrow i go and get your Diploma ♥ I love you and I’m doing for you what you didn’t get the chance to ♥ Forever and always I love you! ♥   5-29-12

Ian Wolfgang Burke  For my 'baby', my sister, and my best friend... Today you would have graduated. We would be sitting around the table with all of our friends, and Dad would put us on yet another quest in DnD. You would make fun of me, I would shoot you again, and you'd grapple me and Mitch and the crew would laugh and everyone would have a great time... I would be so proud to see my baby sister finally become an adult, finally ready to take on the world. Today would have been a good day if only you had been here! I love you Saskia, and I always will. You’re in my heart forever and always. Bigger than the stars and the moon! -Ian   5-30-12

Cat Burke   My darling baby girl,

Today would have been your last day of school...

YOU WERE THE PERFECT STUDIOUS CHILD! Unexpectedly brilliant, you always challenged YOURSELF to get your phenomenal grades, ALWAYS did your homework with such self-imposed discipline! Never once did I have to remind you, or push you - you simply did what every parent could only dream, and made your siblings and friends so entirely jealous!

You never let your impaired hearing hold you back, or set you apart! You became stronger for this impairment - ALWAYS asking to sit at the front of the class, even asking the teachers to face you at times, and never once letting them know you were deaf in one ear!

I was so proud of each and every academic award you EVER received, and never once did I miss going to the school to watch you receive them!

And the first time you obtained the perfect score on the state testing? Then the second time? I was in awe that such a beautiful, gentle, loving and creative child could be so all encompassingly brilliant!

And though you made it seem so easy to be such a great student, we all knew what a task it was to GET YOU OUT OF BED to go to school... And the year you got the perfect attendance award, well, I think that was your most difficult achievement ever! How proud I was of you, standing on that stage with your pile of academic achievement papers, holding up your perfect attendance trophy!

And as you blossomed into a young woman, and 'boys' entered the picture, still you did your schoolwork with a passion and enthusiasm!

When I think of all the hours we spent writing papers, working on projects - even that last paper we worked on together for Ian's college homework - it was always such a delight!

When I look back at where you started - such an extraordinary beautiful 'deaf baby', who not only overcame sign language (once you caught on that LMNOP were actually separate letters, not the name for "L") and lip reading, but learned to speak so clearly that you carried your secret to the grave...

NO ONE MORE THAN YOU deserved to see this day! This day wouldn't mean more TO ANYONE ELSE! But those who work the hardest, deserve the best - well, we never belonged HERE in the first place... For this place is greedy, selfish and full of lies - this existence here in this place is just an illusion, where everyone fools themselves into thinking they will have a great life, and accomplish their goals, and get what they want! And people like US? We know they don't stand a chance - because we knew the 'secret' to having such a perfect life...  And they are incapable of ever finding that rare, true happiness that we once had!

I'm so glad to have shared that with you, Saskia! You were such a unique gift to us all, here in HELL...

 Paul Burke Did you ever miss someone so much that it is a physical pain?

Irish Ramsey Everyday

LeAnn Kirstin Grise I thought about her Friday ): and I'll be thinking about her all day Wednesday ): my heart will ache knowing I can't walk with her ): if it weren't for her I wouldn't even be walking ):   5-30-12

Kessa Burke   You died for the love of your family,

We are so grateful for you!

You are our angel,

Our brightness,

Thank you for being there all of those years!

You've helped so many grow and brighten,

Thank you for always being amazing!

Thank you for helping everyone you ever met.

Thank You! :)

We will get through the rest of this life together side by side, hand in hand, we will do this together - and we will conquer life together!  I love you all ... ♥ :)  And even though she is not here physically - she will always be with us as we go on with life!  At our weddings, at prom, at everything we do in life she will always be there!  And then there comes that day when we will meet up with our beloved Saskia, as she will be there at those pearly gates waiting for all of us to enter Heaven, and we will never forget her and we will never stop loving her as we go through the hard times in life, and we will make it back to her someday . ♥   2-10-12

Cat Burke   The moments I fear most in life are happening - all the moments without YOU!

I will shed tears for you everyday...
Some for how much I love you -
The rest for how much you are missed.

I love you, Saskia!