Picking up the pieces... Part 14

Christmas didn’t come this year.  But, that is how we wanted it.  There was no Christmas music playing, no lighted trees – no painful reminders for us…

Though no Christmas cards came in the mail, to my surprise – the sentiments on this one year anniversary arrived, anyways.  Saskia’s facebook page was intentionally never taken down, ( and knowing her so well, I had immediately guessed her password, and so had been able to keep it active ) for the single purpose that all the children still needed to talk to her!  All year, they have continued to send her messages – always knowing she will never reply.  Just hoping that in some way, she is hearing them.

This Christmas morning, instead of waking to a mug of steaming coffee and gathering in the livingroom to open presents, I sat down and read through her facebook page.  All the beautiful sentiments sent to her, with love.  And I would like to share a few here, with you.

Amber Jenine Bailey

December 17

So I know everyone who knew Saskia, and some who didn't will be very upset because the 20th of this month will mark one year of her having been gone. I'm just like the rest of you. I think about her all day, every day. She is my best friend in the entire universe and even with her gone and things not being the same, I can feel her still working in my life. Helping me through situations I face and helping me overcome even though I can't speak to her, she helps anyways. THAT Is a TRUE FRIEND! She loves me and I love her ❤ and that's how it always will be. Best friends for more than life, but eternity as well. And for those and other reasons is who choose not to let that date control my life nor define hers. She would not want us to live our lives by that date. We should be thinking of the days she lived! Not the day she died. Nothing but sadness could come from that. Leave dreading that date to the monster who took her from us! Because on that date, something good will be happening, Faelan will be coming home for the holidays and I will be excited and also a little thankful that Saskia will not have to endure the hell hole that life can be any longer. She is at peace and nothing can hurt her anymore. So I can be thankful for at least that. I know that nothing can ever hurt my lovely ever again. ❤ I love you Saskia Burke you made my life experiences the greatest they could have been! I am and forever will be eternally greatful for her role in my life.

Kessa Burke

December 20

Saskia Burke.... This is the day you died .... You meant the world to me .... And now my world is crashing down on me ..... I miss you more than anything !.... Nothing feels right without you ... I looked at our old messages between us and the last thing you said to me on the messages was ."Queer" ... But the last words you Ever spoke to me ... "Ok goodnight see yah tomorrow " ... And I wish that I could have seen you that next day .... I need that tomorrow more than anything .... I miss you Saskia Burke .... You were my big sister ... You were supposed to me my maid of honor at my wedding ... You were supposed to throw my bachelorette party ..... You were supposed to help me get ready for prom ..... And watch me walk through the doors on the first day of high school ... You were supposed to watch me graduate and be proud that you helped me get through high school ..... But now you can't ...... I love you ...more than anything .... Your my big sister ... Your my savior .. Your the reason I am who I am ...... Goodbye ... I love you .. This has been the hardest year of my life because you weren't here to go through it with me ... Why can't you just walk through the door and be here .... Why can't I just have you back ... WHY ..... All I want is you ...! </3

Amber Jenine Bailey

December 20

Dear lovely, I decided that today I wasn't going to do what you wouldn't want me to today and relive the horror. You told me yourself that it was hard for you to listen to everyone that's all talking at the same time and it makes it worse that they are all crying. So I'm going to be strong for you today and do what a best friend should. While everyone else hasn't listened to me as I knew they wouldn't because they can't think that way today.... I remember your words and I am going to be one of the only people not making things harder on you today. I am being your shoulder to lean on ❤ I love you more than life itself and I miss you all the time. Rest in peace the best you can today. See you one day soon! — with Saskia Burke.

Richard SargeMage Frazier

posted to

Saskia Burke

December 20 via mobile

I wish you were here so bad and that I was home with you guys, I miss you so much. Love you sissy, always

Joseph Bowman

December 20

You once told me you loved candles. You even almost burned your room up just because you had so many. Well tonight I burn a candle for you. You may not be with us any longer but you will always be in our hearts, and that's something no one can take from us. I miss you so much, we all do. My heart goes out to you tonight.

Jacob Osborn

posted to

Saskia Burke

December 20 via mobile

Dear Saskia,

Not a day goes by that you aren't on my mind. I love and miss you with all my heart. It hurts to remember that day, but it feels great remembering any other. In loving memories, you live on. R.I.P Saskia Burke

-Bestfriend

Frank Arellano

December 20

Today I will not grieve the loss of you YaYa, but I will remember all the amazing, goofy, and heartfelt memories we shared. I will remember what an amazing friend you are. I know on this day you wouldn't want us to morn your death but to celebrate your life. I love and miss you Saskia ♥♥♥ — with Saskia Burke.

Itzia Guzman shared Itzia Guzman's photo.

November 6

My Dearest Saskia, today you would have been 19 years old. You would have woken up, late of course, to the sound of your family talking and laughing. You would have eaten, gotten a Mountain Dew and played Skyrim. Then you would have been surrounded by family and friends and had one of your amazing parties. We would have played games, talked, and danced the Time Warp.  Then with a Mountain Dew in our hands, we would have had a toast to the AMAZING person that is Saskia! And we all would have created unforgettable memories...but today, you do not get the chance to do all those things here on earth. So, with a bitter sweet smile on our faces, we shall celebrate for you, for your existence and timeless memories that you gave us. For you we shall toast with Mountain Dews and dance the Time Warp. For you, we shall laugh! I hope that your day is filled with games and laughter wherever you are. You're always in our hearts, and in our memory. Love you so much, and Happy Birthday ♥

James Lee Watson Jr.

December 20 near Murrieta

Today is the day I woke up and Zach told me to read what was on the computer and what we saw put us in disbelief. Then Michael ran all the way to our garage only to drop to his knees with all three of us crying our eyes out. Gary took her life and I won't ever forgive! She was my sister and I don't care how many people hate me right now because of all of this drama bullshit. But no one or anything will change the fact that Saskia Burke was and will always be my sister. I miss you Saskia..  I love you sis…

Michael Matthews

December 20

I can't believe its been a year... it was around this time I was getting up and checking facebook and hearing the helicopters, not knowing what was going on... Then I got that call from Nicole... That confirmed it all... You had been taken from us... I rushed out of my house and ran straight to.James and Zachs house... I got there and fell to my knees in front of my bestfriends and I cried... Like I've never cried before. I was even going to run to your house to make sure everyone else was ok... But I knew I wouldn't make it all the way before the cops stopped and said I couldn't... But I know... You are still in my heart. And that you are in a better place meow. That monster will get what's coming for him. I love you Saskia Burke. ♥

LeAnn Kirstin Grise

December 17 near Murrieta

Today is December 17... Thursday will be December 20... Thursday will mark the one year "anniversary" of the murder of Saskia Burke .... Not one day goes by that she doesn't cross my mind... She is the reason I walked that stage on graduation day... And I never got to thank her for all her help /: she helped me with homework for FOUR YEARS! And now I live to repay her by helping Kessa Burke.. By being a "big sister" figure to Kessa .... Saskia I love you and I miss you... I just wish I could thank you for all that you did for me ):

Nicole Marie Nannette

posted to

Saskia Burke

December 16

I know I get one here a lot and post about how much I miss you but, I can't really help it. This is my your mom left your facebook up for just your friends to use right?  ha

I know you wouldn't want me to be thinking like this, but I am having such a hard time with this whole month!!!!  And I know you wouldn't want to be defined by your death date, you would want me to remember the days that you lived, and be defined by that.  But I know that you understand how hard this is on all of us.

I'm really scared for your mom and Kess.  I'm just worried for your mom because she feels like she can't live anymore.  She lost you.  I don’t expect her to want to go on.  But Kes needs her.  Ian needs her. And I know you understand that completely. This is just hard without you.

And Kes, she is having such a hard time with life. And she won’t deal with your death. She just wants to push it down and she doesn’t want to accept the fact that you are gone now. It sucks more than anything in the world!!!  Granted that you and her butted heads, but what two siblings don't? But I know you love her. Just like you loved everyone that came into your life. The ones that hurt you, bugged you, or annoyed you, you always found a way to love them just as much as the others. That’s one thing that blew me away about you. Your heart was so big and loving.

I remember when we were in middle school and I had no friends and you were the person there for me. You took me under your wing and became my best friend. And so did Amber. You both loved me to death. And you had such a huge impact on my life that no one else can compare.

I loved how you kept everything and cherished it all. I remember walking into your room for the first time after you had died and the first thing that I saw were the piggy slippers I bought for you for Christmas one year. Even just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Because you were way too young to go.  It just isn't fair.

I know that life never is, but this is something that should never happen. Not to anyone. It sucks seeing you go the way you did. The emotional toll it takes on all of us, the hate that we get from Gary's family, the website that was made to urge us all and cause even more pain in our lives. I truthfully, honestly, believe that one of Gary's family members made that to hurt us all. To get even.  It sucks that they don’t see the damage that their monster caused. I don’t know how they could think for a minute that he didn't do this to you. After the evidence, the DNA, the finger prints, and so much more, how could they be so ignorant. I just don’t understand.

Life just sucks right now with everything being thrown at us at once. I'm sorry that I wasn't at the last court date, mom didn’t message me on facebook to tell me when it was. So I wasn't able to come down. I will talk to her and be there next time. I promise you that.

I love you. And I miss you more that words alone can explain Saskia. This is so hard. These days get tougher and tougher without you. I wish you were here so I could talk to you about everything that goings on in my life. I know that you are already looking out for me and knowing what’s going on, but If I could hear your voice, see your face, hug you one last time, My heart would be at ease. But that won’t happen. I just wish that there was a way you could give me a sign that you are okay. That you are at peace. That you are unharmed.

I love you Saskia. I love you so much.

Amber Jenine Bailey

posted to

Saskia Burke

November 13 via mobile

I miss you love....  We all do :'( I can't believe it's almost been a year since you got taken from us.  Nothing will ever be the same and I hate it.  Not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here to share it with us.  To play D&D, to make memories with us, to have nugget time with us, to keep Kes and Ian in line, to keep mommies sanity...  To keep daddy content, to listen to my complaints and be there for the things I would have regularly shared with you.

My heart is torn and all I can do is not give it room to breathe nor room to want nor room to make me think of the horror of losing you. I just can't. I can't LIVE if I do that. I have absolutely no choice. All I can say is I want you back lovely.  More than anything in the whole entire world! :'( the pain in my chest is too heavy for me to breathe as I write this. I LOVE YOU SASKIA SAVANA BURKE! You are my sister, best friend, and other half and forever you shall stay.  Just please, if you do anything in the next few hours, please come visit me in a dream like you did before. It'd mean the world to me ya know... :)

Cat Burke shared Cat Burke's photo.

November 6

Today my darling, YOU were born...

On the day you were born, I died... And every day, I pray to a god I don't believe in - that you ARE where I WAS... Released from the horror of all the PAIN in your final moments... Cradled in the warmth and the love that was THERE...

And I hope the little blonde child came for YOU - as he came to ME that morning...  Because he knew you - he gave me your name...  I hope he is with you, and you are not alone...

2011

Saskia Burke

November 7

“ I could never forgive someone for taking away my rights, my home, my friends and my life!”…