Crime Victims Week 2013 - THIS NEW LIFE, AFTER MURDER...

I was supposed to speak this week, about the Murder of our daughter Saskia, about the importance of the Death Penalty, and what it is to live as a Victim of Violent Crime.  But I am no longer well enough to travel.   I am trying to save what little energy I have left in this life, to stay alive long enough to make it to the trial.  It is my final wish in this lifetime, to ensure to my Kessa, that she in fact HAS A FUTURE to go on with.  For I gave birth to her as a FREE BEING in this life, and I wish to restore her FREEDOM to her ONCE MORE before I go...

So instead, I will share a thought each day this week on some of the many subjects that just are a part of THIS NEW LIFE, AFTER MURDER.

I used to be such a social woman.  I found it so easy to talk with others.  I was happy, and always so active and involved with things.  Now, I cannot bear to be around people on the outside.  I cannot talk to anyone.  I was always the woman who never stopped doing things, and now I am the woman who cannot start.  I find it impossible to walk out the front door without a panic attack.  Life used to be so beautiful to me.  Now, it is nothing but sad, in every way… 

And I am suffering the side effects of this traumatic murder – I have not eaten in over one year now.  The toll this is taking on my body just is, robbing me of too much – I have no energy to be active or involved anymore.  Just looking at pictures of food makes me sick to my stomach, and my sense of smell is so affected by trauma, that everything stinks - IT SMELLS LIKE BLOOD, and this leaves me in an almost constant state of nausea.  I struggle to stay above 90 lbs.  My broken heart has difficulty keeping a steady beat.  And I find it more and more difficult to stay conscious when I stand up for long these days.  Lack of sleep has taken its toll as well, and most days, it is too difficult to think.  Or remember.  Or concentrate.  And so, trying to actually DO anything in this NEW LIFE, is impossible for me.

Coping with this NEW LIFE, in these new ways? 

I have spoken with too many Parents of MURDERED Children, too many Victims of Violent Crime.  Every story is so horrific and sad, and I hurt for each person’s pain.  I have joined many groups and organizations to lend my voice in wisdom and support, like Pro Death Penalty and Victims’ Families for the Death Penalty just to name a few, and hey – I am even a member of the Justice League now.  I have made friends this last year with a State Supreme Court Justice, and many Senators in my discussions on this topic of the Death Penalty.

Every morning on facebook and in my email, I receive messages about articles and debates either for or against this Death Penalty issue somewhere in these United States.  The groups and organizations I NOW belong to, find my writing to be powerful, and our story of MURDER strongly supports keeping the Death Penalty.     Ida "Cat, Very eloquently stated. You are a force for good in this world, even in the midst of such terrible psychic pain. You are to be admired for your courageous stance, and your continued advocacy for other victims of violent crime. Your commitment to the proper punishment of criminals is to be commended. Keep up the good work."  When an article has been written, or a debate is taking place against the Death Penalty, I receive multiple messages from many sources, groups and organizations asking that I respond IMMEDIATELY in defense.  And so I do.  Every day, I defend the Death Penalty to the ignorance of others.  I offer enlightenment to protect society - from itself, and our collapsing "JUSTICE" system.  I have been involved in the movement to keep the Death Penalty in quite a few states this last year, including California.  This, has NOW become ‘what I do with THIS NEW LIFE’…

Kes and I will attend the candlelight vigil in Temecula again this year.  A woman I have only made friends with on facebook, is giving her speech there about the MURDER of her daughter Bipsy.  I will finally meet her in person.

It amazes me, how much time has truly passed since the moment my life ended.  I have been forced to accept, all my hopes and dreams are gone.  Forced to accept that all my passions and desires in life have left me.  And I have accepted the death of EVERYTHING that was once myself, my life and my family as I now await my own finality.  It’s been real hard, to be so lonely and alone with nothing - for so long now.  For that is how I feel, about THIS NEW EMPTY LIFE, AFTER MURDER.  And every day, I get up with the stark horror of this NEW reality I am existing in, to face another long day filled with such sadness as I speak to others suffering similar fates, or battle with so many ignorant people always with the thought to enlighten them, but knowing most just don’t have enough common sense to be enlightened.   Such a sad and futile existence I find myself in NOW.  So far, from that HAPPY AND MOST WONDERFUL EXISTENCE I ONCE "LIVED" IN...

And every day, many times, I cry.  I CRY FOR MY SASKIA!  For all her pain she suffered through as Gary stabbed her each time.  For each and every moment she SHOULD be here, and every single thing she SHOULD be doing!  I cry for my family that is so ruined by what Gary has done to us all.  I cry, for the loss of this entire life I worked so hard and so long to build for myself.  I cry too, for the loss of me.  I miss me.  I miss all those things about myself that are entirely dead to this NEW ME now.   

There just is, NOTHING WORSE THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A PERSON, than what William Gary Simpson has chosen to do to my family.  I have experienced the death of my entire life, and now - go on existing in nothing but the horror of it every moment.

For each and every VICTIM OF VIOLENT CRIME,

For each and every PARENT OF A MURDERED CHILD -

There IS no worse life to be expected to go on with, and try to attempt to live, than THIS NEW LIFE, AFTER MURDER.